Ghost
by Polkadotdotdot
Summary: A bad dream cuts a little too close to the bone for Jayne. Jaylee! Please R&R!


It was strange to walk about on the ship without anyone knowing he was there, even when he stood right infront of them. They would just stare straight ahead, walk right through him. It was just meant to be a simple job, a simple trade but of course it didn't work that way and this time the gun fight hadn't ended well. The bullet had ripped through his chest, tearing at the muscles and lung tissue. It hadn't taken his body long to give up and the next thing he knew he was standing up again, staring down on his own dead body.

Mal and Zoe had been quiet as they bundled his body onto a stretcher, preparing to take him back to Serenity for a proper funeral. As much as they argued, Jayne was still a valued member of Mal's crew as well as being Kaylee's other half. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

"What are we gonna do sir?" Zoe asked. Mal looked up at his second in command, Jayne standing just behind her listening in to the conversation but of course Mal couldn't see him.

"What do you mean?" He muttered quitely, sitting Vera on the mercenarys body. Zoe gave him a hard look.

"You know exactly what i'm taking about..." she said, her voice low and a little harder than she meant it to be. Mal nodded sadly.

"There ain't gonna be any easy way to break this to her. She's gonna be waiting in the cargo hold" he said sadly, "She always does"

Jayne felt a lump in his throat, the initial shock of seeing himself dead was starting to vanish. He hadn't even thought about how everyone else was going to take the news.

They walked in silence, Mal infront and Zoe behind carrying his body back to the ship. Jayne walked beside them, wondering if they were going to say anything else. What else was there to say? Zoe was too busy reliving the horrible pain that she had felt after Wash was taken from her. She wouldn't wish that pain on anyone, least of all little Kaylee. The girl had been so happy since her and Jayne had officially become a couple, announcing their engagement only a few weeks ago. Mal was just going through the motions. Not too long ago they had lost Wash and Book, now they had lost Jayne too. Jayne watched as he took in a strong breath upon seeing the ship. He was the captain, he had to be strong not only for himself but for those around him.

There she stood on the catwalk, her overall's rolled halfway down and a smudge of engine grease over her face. Jayne stood right next to his body, watching in dismay as the beaming smile she had since she'd heard them come back fell from her face at the sight of him. She flew down the stairs, tears streaming down her face as she fell to her knee's at the side of the stretcher, one of her hands on his lifeless face bidding him to wake up.

"Kaylee, c'mon don't cry! I'm right here!" He begged, bending down to her eye level. She didn't hear him, she didn't even feel his presence next to her. Each time she tried to place his hand on her shoulder it failed, his hand passing right through her body as if it was thin air.

He looked so peaceful, she thought. Just lying there as if he was sleeping, Vera lying on his chest. Once or twice she had caught him sleeping, clutching that damn gun like it was a teddybear. She would have laughed if it wasn't for the overwhelming grief that was gripping her chest like a vice. She'd begged him not to go on this job, River had muttered things about the job not being safe. Not going well. When she had told him this, he'd just shrugged it off and held her tight, gently kissing her worries away. Right now she'd have given anything to feel those arms around her, to tell her everything was going to be fine.

It wasn't for his lack of trying.

Suddenly she was on her feet, screaming at Mal for being so wreckless, for taking a job that was just a little too far on the wrong side of being 'risky'. Jayne watched as she flew at him, beating on his chest with her fists. He let her, knowing that it was just the grief that was talking but it didn't help his guilt any. Zoe wrapped her arms around the hysterical girl, Kaylee crumbling to her knee's still in Zoe's embrace. The older woman just let her cry, making soothing sounds. She knew the comfort she could offer wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough. Silently, Simon and Mal picked up the stretcher, moving the body to the infirmary as Kaylee broke her heart with Zoe. He wanted to reach out to her, to touch her hair, to hold her in his arms. It was breaking his heart that he couldn't.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

He couldn't take it anymore. Watching her sob was just too painful when he could do nothing about it. He stalked towards the bridge, he didn't feel like seeing his body again. There sat River and Mal neither of them saying anything. He was certain she had looked right at him as he silently walked towards them.

"She's broken" River said quietly. Mal nodded but didn't look at her.

"Yeah she is...she was hysterical when I left. I couldn't...I just couldn't watch her anymore" He said, rubbing his chest a little where she had pounded him with her fists.

"Not your fault" she said, "She knows its not your fault" Jayne nodded in agreement. It hadn't been Mal's fault, just plain bad luck that had finally caught up with him.

"Yeah...well that don't make it any easier 'tross" He muttered. River smiled at him.

"She'll be okay" She said simply, Jayne's heart sinking when Mal shook his head.

"Y'know...I dunno if she will"

Jayne shook his head, stumbling backwards. He would have tripped over the ridge in the doorway had his foot not gone right through it. He picked himself up, noticing that he didn't feel any pain from his fall. Inara stood at the doorway to the bunk he and Kaylee shared together, knocking on the door gently.

"Mei mei it's me, open the door" She called, "we just want to know that you're alright" she said. He walked closer to the bunk, noticing that it was locked without a hope of an override. She always was too smart for her own good. It used to be locked that way because the two of them were busy, to keep any of the crew from interupting. Now it was locked so she could keep everyone from coming near her. Zoe emerged from the stairs as a small broken voice drifted from the bunk.

"Please just go away!" she called, Inara's shoulders falling in disappointment. Zoe put her hands on Inara's shoulder.

"Best just leave her for now, she'll come out when she's ready" She said. Inara nodded and turned away from the door towards the bridge. If anyone knew about how Kaylee was feeling, it was Zoe.

He stood outside the bunk, Inara walking clean through him as she went. It wasn't a sensation he thought he was going to get used to. He wanted to see her, desperate to hold her or at least feel her presence near him. With a frown he reached out, his hand going straight through the metal ladder. Closing his eyes he took a step forward, without a clue what was going to happen. When he opened them he was lying in a heap at the base of the ladder in his bunk, their bunk.

"Kaylee?" He questioned in vain. She lay on their bed, curled up in a ball in his green jacket. She wasn't sobbing anymore, rather she was just staring ahead with silent tears running down her face.

"Please look at me" He said quietly, bending down on his knees infront of the bed. She was looking through him and he hated it but it would have to be enough.

"I'm sorry I went out on this job" he started, "I know ya told me I shouldn't but I did it anyway, wanted to get paid. Needed t'save some coin for our weddin'" He said, a small laughing coming out despite the quiet tears that were starting to trail down his face.

"Guess I don't need to worry 'bout that now" She reached out to wipe her eyes. He was desperate to grab her hand, just to feel a part of her for a second, "I love you Kaylee girl, Always have. I wish i'd told ya that more often cause ya deserve to know. Always did deserve better than me anyhow. I was one of the luckiest men in the 'verse..." He rested his hand just near her face, a minute distance away so that it wouldn't fall straight through.

"I don't want ya t'cry anymore okay? I'm not worth it! You're gonna live on an' have the life ya deserve. Have a husband and those kids...but Tien if I didn't want them t'be mine girl" He choked. He watched as she suddenly sat up, his coat still wrapped around her body. Her eyes were focused on her engagement ring. A stunning white gold band with an oval emerald pressed into it, sitting flush against the slightly raised section of the precious metal. She pulled it off and read the writting on the inside.

_No power in the 'verse can stop us_

With shaky hands she put the ring back on, a distant frown on her face.

"I can't do it..." She said quietly shaking her head. Jayne raised an eyebrow, not liking her tone of voice.

"Can't do what? Kaylee?!" he exclaimed, getting to his feet and watching as she opened the lock to the hatch and climbed up the ladder, his coat still drapped on her shoulders. He followed her, watching as she tip toed in bare feet towards the infirmary.  
"Turn around bao bei! Go see Zoe or Inara!" He pleaded with the girl as she made her was silently through the ship, a determined look across her pretty features. She paused at the infirmary doors. Empty appart from her lovers body lying still on the bed. She studied it for a moment. Pleanty of room for two, she thought. Quietly she began to raid the place, searching for an unused needle.

"Kaylee, think 'bout this please!" He shouted but she just went about her buisness, pulling out a strange purple liquid from a drawer and placing the little glass tube in the needle. Frantically he was trying to take the needle from her, his hands gliding straight through the small girl.

He was helpless to watch as she climbed onto the bed, fresh tears running down her face as she pressed herself against him. His body was no longer warm but he still smelled the way she remembered, a mixture of cigar boxes, gun oil and that wonderful earthy smell that he always had.

This was how she wanted to die. If she couldn't spend the rest of her life with him then she didn't want her life at all, it wasn't worth it. She winced as she stuck herself with the needle, injecting all the purple liquid into her system. Things began to go foggy, a warm feeling spreading through her chest while her arms and legs tingle.

"No power in the 'verse bao bei" she muttered quietly, her eyes slowly closing, her head covering the wound on his chest. Anyone walking past would just assume that the two had fallen asleep together but Jayne knew better.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

He shot awake, a cold sweat over his body and his gaze looking out to the darkness of their shared bunk. Frantically his hands searched his bare chest and upon not fiding a wound he threw himself back down, breathing hard in the darkness.

"Jayne?" Her small voice said next to him, "Is everything okay?" She asked, her small voice sounding rough with sleep. As his breathing came back to a normal pace he pulled her back to his bare chest, her head resting and one of her hands absently playing with his chest hair.

"Yeah Ai ren, everythin's fine" He said softly, "Jus'...a real bad dream is all" She pressed a light kiss to his chest.

"Ya gave me a fright wakin' up like that! Good thing i'm near the wall or ya would have rolled me off the bed" she muttered with a sleepy smile causing him to laugh lightly.

"Na I woulda caught ya bao bei" He pressed a kiss to her head and she snuggled closer to his chest. He held her tightly, enjoying the feeling of having her close after the fright he'd had.

"Since you're awake...I wanted to ask ya somethin" She said, "I don't want ya to do the job. River said it ain't safe and I know that ya don't care what she says but she's a reader and I really think that..."  
"Okay" He suddenly said, taking her off gaurd.

"Jayne c'mon I...Wait, what?" She asked confused. Normally they'd have had at least ten minutes of back and forth arguing before he'd convince her that he'd be alright and she'd let him go.

"I said okay, I won't go" He said, "I'll stay on the ship" She smiled and gave him a squeeze without saying anything else. He lay awake in the darkness, sure that Kaylee had drifted off again.

"I love you ai ren" He said quietly, grinning when she pressed another kiss to his chest without saying a word.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

"That was a close one!" Mal shouted as he and Zoe made their way back onto the ship. Jayne was standing with Kaylee and River in the cargo bay watching the others walk in behind the closing doors.

"Good job?" Kaylee asked. Zoe shook her head.

"Nope, hell of a lot of shootin'. Cap'n got tagged in the arm" She said. Mal frowned.

"It's nothin'! Just a scrape, Doc'll patch it up in no time" he exclaimed, taking his coat of and hanging it over a crate so he could inspect the damage, "Damaged my shirt more than anythin'!"

"Could have been much worse" River said quietly, her eyes locking with Jaynes, "Could have had tears and coats and needles" He frowned and his arms unconciously tightened around the mechanic who was blissfully unaware of what the reader was talking about. Mal shrugged off her comments.

"Yeah okay 'tross, just get us in the air!" he said, stalking towards the infirmary. With a raised eyebrow Kaylee looked between River and Jayne, sensing that there was something they weren't telling her.

"Jayne? Everythin' okay?" Suddenly his head snapped away and he smiled at her.

"Sure, just...ya know...wish I could have taken Vera out for a spin is all" Kaylee screwed her nose up.

"Hmm me and that gun are gonna be havin' words I think" She said with a cheeky smile. Even though she was standing infront of her, smiling at him the way she always did, he still couldn't get the image of her out of his head. Her small broken body cuddled up against his, needle still in her hand. He decided to make a point of listening to River more often. Maybe there was something to this Reader thing after all.


End file.
